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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A Warning to all my New England Ladies....

Disclaimer: I am by no means a relationship expert. I do NOT have a doctorate in anything besides being kick ass at doing stuff, with a minor in means spirited humor studies. That being said, I'm going to get up on my little crazy box and warn everyone about the dangers of hipster dating.

                                                       Do Not Date This Man. Ever.
This man will take your money, feed you lies over and over again and once he gets laid, will suddenly be too busy to hang out, or out of town for extended periods of time all while continuing to pile on the lines until you think he's telling the truth. HE IS NOT. He is a liar and a time thief.
   Now for the back story. I got a text from Bambi over the weekend, and she was really upset. She had started dating the man in the above picture after being friends with him for a few years. They had similar musical tastes, both enjoyed the arts and a good glass of wine, and the chemistry was good too. Everything ( on paper anyways) pointed towards this being a good match, with the potential for a long term relationship. So far, so good, right? I'll let Bam's email tell you a bit of the story:
        "Well, I’ll tell you about my recent debacle. I had been seeing someone I’ve been friends with for years, another artist, and even though it was long distance, I thought it was going well. He’d send me little pictures and ask me to send some to him. He’d tell me he missed me all the time. But he has shows at galleries all over the place, so he travels a lot. When he’s not doing a show and is just home working, he’s in Providence . That’s not too far, so I went down to see him after work on Friday, intending to spend the weekend. We had dinner, drinks, more drinks and pretty amazing sex. Even though I paid for EVERYTHING, I wasn’t too concerned because I thought he’d pay the next day. Saturday we woke up to rain. All of our plans for outside- bike riding, drinks on the deck, walking around- were now null and void. So after breakfast- he did actually fork over some cash for that-(*although not really since he took her last $ 10, and gave her a weird look about it*-editor's note) he decided that because it was a lousy rainy day he would rather work on his drawings, and asked what I thought I should do? I told him I didn’t want to get in the way of his work, so it would probably be best if I left. (Now, this is where he’s supposed to go,” No! You just got here, and I’ve missed you- stay!”) He says,” Yeah, sorry…” and shrugged at me. So, I haven’t seen you in a month and basically what you are saying is you don’t want to hang out because it’s raining. Really, that’s what it boils down to. I am so happy I waited a month to see him! (sarcasm font there) I have never spent so much money to get laid in my entire life. I told him I didn’t care what we did, I just wanted to spend time with him and was disappointed. Again, shrugging. I left. I am really upset for falling for all the bullshit lines. I feel like an idiot. He really only misses me when he hasn’t gotten laid in a while, and I have just realized this weekend that I always pay for everything. If he really makes all this money from his work, then why do I always pay, and WHY doesn’t he have a checking account? I am sooooo done. Really upset, but done." 

Ladies, if you find yourself paying for more than half of the dates, RUN, don't walk away. When Bams was telling me more details on the phone last night, I was literally speechless. What balls this guy has to think he could get away with such douchbaggery. Now, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't think I know any dudes who would be comfortable taking their women's money. Oh wait...yes I do. I lived with one for about 10 years. ( It's a whole different blog post, and one I'm not quite ready to write yet..short version- he didn't work for a long time, and bitched about the size of my paycheck. AWESOME) Have to say I'm super lucky with hubs, he's old fashioned like me, and believes that while the woman is an equal member of the team, he should still be taking care of her. 
  What I do not understand is WHY my awesome friends can't find equally awesome dudes to make them happy. Is it that all the "good" ones are taken? Are they looking in the wrong places? Are all the men blind? What is going on? If any super cool bros out there read this, leave me a comment and we'll start a discussion. Seriously, I want to know where the good men are, hubs and I need more couple friends to do dinner with.

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