Make it nice

Last week, on Facebook, I mentioned a strange smell coming from somewhere in my apartment. It was the oddest thing, reeking of dead fish and burned electronics, and it seemed to be coming from the bathroom closet. Now, the only thing we keep in that closet are our linens; towels and sheets and the like. For there to be a dead fish in there meant that I would have to had packed a sardine or something in that stuff back in California, or that something crawled in while we stayed at my parents house in Western Mass. Since neither of these situations are possible, really, the smell was a total mystery. Until yesterday. Hubs gets up early with me, and while he was getting ready for school, he noticed that we didn't have any hot water. I thought "Huh, that's odd. Maybe he just didn't wait for it to get warm before shaving..." But no, when I took a shower later on in the morning, the water never got hot. (Sadly, I didn't realize this until I was already IN the shower, again figuring that it just needed a little time to warm up I had hopped in and gotten all soapy.) Oh how the halls did ring with my shouts of "FML it's cold...Oh god, why..etc" as I rinsed off.  Drying off and getting dressed never felt so good, let me tell you. I called the office and spoke to our awesome landlady Jean, and she sent a maintenance guy right over. Meanwhile, Little Brother and I are dying of this mystery stink. When the nice man finally arrived, he couldn't smell it. ( I really thought I was crazy or having a stroke or something, except that L.B could also smell it) So anyways, Chris, the guy, is looking all around our linen closet, and asks us why we turned the breaker off. We reply honestly that we didn't. Jean had me check it when I first called, and when I noticed it was off, I flipped the switch like you are supposed to and BAM we had hot water again. But the smell had come back too..and the only thing I did between calling Jean and the arrival of Chris was wash the few dishes that we had from over the weekend. Surprisingly, there weren't many, but a fridge full of cheeseburgers means you don't have to cook, therefore no dishes. :) So, somehow me doing the dishes and using the hot water made the breaker trip again. Chris left for a bit, and came back to let us know we'd be getting a new hot water heater the next day. (That's today! Hooray!!) But while we wait, we don't have hot water, which means no showers. Thankfully, none of us smell too bad.

                                                This is what I felt like after a cold shower...

Also, hubs is staying home from school today because he's sick. If' you've ever met hubs, you know he's the toughest SOB around. But he's been laid low by a nasty flu like bout of Yuck that includes coughing, spitting and an ear ache. He must be miserable if he's giving up school. Right now he's sitting next to me at his desk, wheezing and generally feeling awful. I'm gonna baby him so bad today, nothing but tea, toast and something spicy for dinner for my sweetheart! I may even try to convince him to take a nap with me! OO I love taking a nap! If we hadn't just woken up, I'd suggest it right now! His poor voice is all froggy too....awww. So, while I can't take a shower or do any kind of dishes or anything else that requires hot water, I think I'm going to coddle my hubs, write to you all and make some kind of breakfast. I wonder how many cheeseburgers we have left...

Wacky Weekend

Let me set the scene for you....picture a lovely Friday afternoon, hubs is freshly out of school and we decide that wine is an excellent idea. We ride our bikes over to the store, and hubs picks up 3 bottles of a brand we've been wanting to try. We bike home (lovely) and have a glass or five (also lovely). Soon it's dark out, and we're thinking about supper. I casually mention that I could cook something, possibly chicken, maybe some steaks, but no..hubs has a craving for cheeseburgers. Well OK, I can't argue against cheeseburgers. So, we ask Little Brother if he wants to come for a ride. He declines...so hubs and I set off on a wine fueled adventure. (What will be the first of many over the summer I'm sure.) As we're waiting for the car to warm up, it's noticed that we need gas..and that the closest gas station that would still be open is across town. Destination set, we head off into the night, singing along with the radio and giggling. The gas station wasn't that exciting. Neither was traffic. But oh my friends, when we pulled up to the burger joint of choice..hubs informs me of his plan. " I think I want 30 double cheeseburgers, " he says nonchalantly. I laugh, thinking "13? That's a lot!" But when we pull up to the drive through window, and he orders, very politely 30 double cheeseburgers...well..I almost peed. The nice person in the speaker asks us to please hold on a second, then gives us our total. When we pull forward to pay, the second nice person asks us if we'd mind waiting "over there" waving at the parking lot a little. Sure, no problem..we pull around and park. Meanwhile, I'm still laughing so hard I can hardly breathe, imagining the expressions on all those little faces in the fast food kitchen. After 5 minutes or so, we decide to go into the restaurant to pick up our food. Apparently, this particular burger joint is the place to be on a Friday night, as the "Kidzone" was full and the dining room (if you can call it that) was pretty packed too. I show the chickie behind the counter our receipt, and she says "Oh, YOU'RE the ones.." I felt famous. She hands me a bag weighing, I shit you not, at least 5 pounds. Then she hands me another one. "We're still making the last 10." she says.  As hubs and I are standing there, folks from the kitchen are taking peeks at us. I wondered how many people had updated their Facebooks via cell phone..something like " Who orders 30 double cheeseburgers??" or " Some asshat is having a heart attach tonight!" Have to confess, I thought about updating my own FB, but decided to wait and see how everything played out. So, food in hand, we head home, hatching plans to pull similar stunts again at different restaurants.  We get back to the house, and feast on double cheeseburgers. Little Brother cannot believe his eyes. I jokingly mention that we have cheeseburgers enough to last the entire weekend. Hubs and LB discuss how hilarious it would be to do something like this again, only at lunch time. And with more people. I add that I think it would make a great short film. We all laugh uproariously. ( By the way, it's now Monday morning, and there are still 4 cheeseburgers left..) I should have taken a picture, but I was too busy stuffing my face. Next time though, I promise. 

Yes, that's Randy. If you don't know who he is, Google "Trailer Park Boys" and watch it all. You'll thank me, hopefully with giant sacks of cheeseburgers.

Mischief managed

 **I am very random this morning, I'll try in editing to make sense of what comes out today, but no promises.**


Hee hee hee..this morning I found and watched a short film by a band I love. Not a big deal, except I forgot what time it was and played it pretty loud, as the soundtrack was bomb. I was just about to start watching it again, when I looked at the time. O.o!! Naughty!! Loud music at 6:30 am!! I am surprised to report that the douchelord upstairs didn't make a peep..if you want to check out the film I think I linked it on my facebook this morning too. Best if played loud, it's NSFW at all, although the accents make it hard to tell.

I wish I had an accent.


So last weekend, hubs and I got bikes. Hooray!! Bikes!! I am totally excited to start riding again, and can't wait to be outside with the wind in my hair. Just as soon as my period goes away and I stop feeling like I got punched in the vagine. Seriously, this shit hurts. I'll post pictures of our hot new rides later on. And the dorky safety helmets too. I think I want a full face motorcycle helmet instead..that would be much cooler.

I just hit my mouse, and because of the super slippery bottom surface, it just went flying off my desk. Awesome. Spent a few seconds trying to figure out how to get it out from under there...maybe I should make coffee this morning. Nah.


Yes, coffee is the best idea ever.

Hmmm, let's see, what else? Oh, my crazy reached new levels when I started reading "The Vigilant Citizen"..
here's a link.  http://vigilantcitizen.com/  you'll see what I mean if you check it out. I wish I could say I disagree with what he's writing, but I am having a hard time not resorting to name calling.


Not too many chores to do today, I'll clean the house, make some phone calls and hopefully take the bike out if it's not raining. Even though it'll hurt, health is more important, as is a smaller ass.
And I'll write more too. But for now, coffee. Here's a picture to cheer you up on a dreary day.

Dramatis Personae

So, we've been together long enough that I feel it is important to introduce some of the people you'll be reading about. Because some of the stories I tell are embarrassing, I usually use aliases for people, but I thought it might be nice to have faces (or icons, as I didn't ask anyone's permission...ooo criminal!!) to go with the silly nicknames...without further ado, here we are, bedhead and all.

Me: Hello, I'm Jamie. I write stuff, make messes and probably drink too much.  I think deep thoughts and don't express them well, unless I'm trying to be funny. I'm married, and if the last 4 years are any indication, my primary hobby is moving. SWEET.

Hubs: Ahh, my husband. The sweetest killing machine I know. A former Marine, and all around action man, his hobbies include making me laugh myself silly, being a bbq god and trying to teach me kung fu. He hates, absolutely HATES having his picture taken, which is too bad, because I am a photo ninja and will take a snapshot whenever he's not looking.

Little Brother: Also called LB, he's actually quite a bit taller than I am. Even though I've got 10 years on him, we look alike, only I have more longer hair. He grows a better beard though. He loves to be outside, and is heavily involved in the outdoor recreation industry. Ask him if you want to be outside doing stuff, he'll have many cool ideas, and probably want to go with you. He's also stubborn (wonder where he gets that from??) and hilarious, so there's no doubt that we're related.

Indy:  My BFF. I've known her for...sheesh..is it almost 6 years now? Yeah, it has been that long. She's kind, loving and has the nicest kids I know. She has helped me through some really bad times, and has seen me cry, laugh, fall in love and stood up with me at my wedding. If she ever needs anything, I hope she knows to call me, because I would do anything for her. MUAH!

Bambi: Or Bams, as I like to call her. My other BFF, much missed.  She's elegant, graceful, artistic and super smart. We've been friends for well over 10 years now, but lost touch for a good bit of that time through no fault of our own. I'm hoping that the future sees us having many wine fueled adventures, hopefully those adventures include shopping, and eating.

Well, that's us. The basic cast of characters in this crazy show I call a life.
     omfg I'm in the middle of something what do you want.  babes...why are you doing this?  I was very close to done, and you just came in here and disrupted the whole thing......happy?  you're funny :).  I'm leaving all of that, I'm leaving all of that...because it's hlarious!  You spelled hilarious wrong.  Don't do anything to my blog.  "sigh".  blah blah blah.../slap.  
I was just hijacked...by a kiss ninja. Hubs came in to see what I was doing, and somehow managed to take over my keyboard. He distracted me with kissed, the rat! He thought he'd show off his typing skills by writing everything I was saying without looking. He's very cute. *Sigh*
 

Danger Will Robinson, DANGER!!!!

So, this morning, I realized that hubs is a very dangerous man. And not just because he was in the Marines, and could kill a man 20 bajillion different ways...no. The danger I'm talking about is waaayy more insidious. And terrifying. Take this morning, as a perfect example. All the world knows that my alarm goes off at the asscrack of dawn, because I need to be awake for a while before I can function in normal human society. Well, I heard my alarm this morning, hit snooze, then hit snooze again, and again. Awesome. So far, a normal morning. Then...I didn't hear my alarm anymore. Someone had turned it off. Being comfy and warm, I ignored the feeling that something was amiss.

                                             See? Look at how innocent and sleepin I am.
Anyways..I'm not sure what woke me up..possibly the nightmare I was having (little brother as a kid, child-snatched by Cthulu in a movie theater...!!!!!) or the fact that light was starting to come in the window, but I woke up like you see in movies...fully aware and sitting bolt upright in my bed. Scrambling for my phone, I can't believe that it's after 6AM. AFTER 6 AM!!!! We're supposed to be at the train station in 10 minutes!!! FUUUCCCKKKKK!!!!!
  So..the danger. When we're sleeping, hubs radiates heat like an oven. A warm, snuggly oven. And without my alarm, I want to stay close to this oven, where nothing bad can get me and I can dream about puppies, rainbows and candy mountain. Or Cthulu taking my little brother, whatever. Hubs, of course IS a morning person ( I call him ActionMan)..so he just nonchalantly  rolls out of bed and starts getting dressed. I'm kinda freakin out...and he says.."well, good thing I could always take the later train." Wait..there's a later train?
The funniest part? He doesn't remember turning off my alarm, and I know I didn't do it, so we either have ghosts, or he's more dangerous asleep than I thought.

Picture time!!

Since no one's actually reading the stuff I write, here's some pictures to tide you over until I can think of something funny to say. Enjoy!

CAKE!!!

Gigglefits

So, I've been working on this in my head for a while now. I had this idea about sharing with y'all some of the funny shit hubs says before we go to sleep, but I couldn't figure out how to present it. Finally, I just decided to lay it all out there, in dialog form with small introductions to set the mood. Ready? OK, here we go...
  Scene 1: We're in bed, snuggling. I'm trying to get hubs arms around me more tightly.
Hubs: OWW! My arms don't bend that way!!!
Me: Why not?
Hubs: Physics, asshole.
I had to get up and pee I was laughing so hard. He sounded so indignant; it was adorable.

  Scene 2: A tickle fight. I'm losing..badly.
Hubs: Ew, you're spitting on me.
Me: (giggling and in a mock serious voice)...I'm sorry. I'll try..not to.
Hubs: Hey!
Me: It's the thought that counts!!
Hubs: Not when you're spitting on me.


  Scene 3: Later in the tickle fight...I'm still losing and can now barely breathe..
Me: Ow! Hey, no pinching!!
Hubs: (With faux Mexican accent)But I have peeenchers!

Oh man, we are just too funny. Here's a picture of a bunny.