Search This Blog

Monday, April 4, 2011

Ooo ouch.

I've decided that I've had enough. Enough of body issues, enough sly and snide comments from well meaning people and enough of feeling shitty about myself. Hubs and I bought bikes, but since then, it's rained a lot and I haven't ridden like I wanted to. Well enough bullshitting myself, rain won't kill me, I need to get outside and be more active. I started my day today (another miserable Monday) with a super workout that I used to do with my friend April back in California. I'm not really sure why I ever stopped. Oh wait, yes I am..we moved across the country into my mom's house for a little while and I got out of the habit. But I think that my fitness break is over. Hay's getting married in the fall and I don't want to embarrass her by being all slovenly in her wedding pictures. I don't want to be the girl at the pool who keeps her shirt on. I used to have abs..I used to be really skinny..unfortunately, to get there I had to be miserable in my relationship and not eat for 6 or 7 months..but this time, I'm going to try to do it the right way. You know..less eating, more exercise. Or better eating and more exercise. Or something. But more important that my sister's wedding, more important than looking good in a bathing suit is the feeling I had when I looked in the mirror. I miss my face the way it used to be, I miss my body the way it used to be. I know I'm awesome on the inside, but I don't feel like my outside matches my inside, if that makes any sense. I took a good hard look at myself over the weekend and didn't like it. To be brutally honest, I grossed myself out a little. How did I let myself go this far?? UGH! So, bring on the pain, it won't last. Bring on the sweating , it'll wash off. Bring on the rain, I can always re-do my hair when I'm done. It's time for a change, and the change starts now. I may even get fired up and work out twice a day..I can't wait to be strong again. Maybe then I can win at wrestling against the hubs..(yeah, probably not, he's a MCMAP instructor..but you know what I mean) The only question I have now I buy a scale? I have never owned one before, and I kind of don't want to know..but I do at the same time. Anyways..I think I'm going now for a ride before the rain starts...wish me luck!

1 comment: